Prologue
Twenty-Five Years Ago…
Holy hell, she was the tiniest thing he’d ever held. A surge of love and protection flooded Jayson Knight’s heart as he gazed down at his newborn daughter. He took a moment to count her insanely small fingers and toes. Ten perfectly-formed digits and ten of the teeniest piggies. That old Stevie Wonder song played in his head, because she was the loveliest thing he’d ever seen.
He couldn’t stop grinning. This must be called Daddy Euphoria.
Standing in the small apartment he shared with Tara, mesmerized by their baby girl, he wished he could’ve been there for her birth. But he’d been on an op, and the little one had decided to come early. With no way to communicate and multiple travel and transport delays, he’d just gotten home. Being an Army Ranger took him all over the world, and the schedule wasn’t exactly predictable or accommodating. But he’d raced home as fast as possible. Dropped his duffel bag and keys by the front door, strode straight to the bedroom and scooped his four-day-old daughter out of the bassinet.
“Hi,” he whispered, his throat tightening with emotion. She gazed up at him with big blue eyes. “I’m your daddy.”
Jayson had hazel eyes, so she definitely had her mother’s eyes. Unless they changed color—and he secretly hoped they would. He’d heard all babies were born with blue eyes, but he didn’t know if that was just a myth. Hell, there was so much he didn’t know. So much he was going to need to learn when it came to babies.
He did know one thing for certain—this little girl had just become the most important thing in his universe.
“I’m going to make sure you have everything you need, Emmie G,” he promised.
“Her name is Emma,” a cool voice stated. “I decided on Emma Rose since you weren’t there.”
Turning around to face Tara, Jayson braced himself. She wore pajamas and a robe hung off her shoulders. He’d never seen her look so tired. Resigned. A wave of guilt stabbed at him. “I’m sorry—”
“Save it.” She sounded beyond weary. “You weren’t here, and I shouldn’t be surprised by that. It’s nothing new, right?”
The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her. He knew she was emotional after just giving birth, and now wasn’t the time for a wicked confrontation. Besides, he’d been traveling nonstop for the last eighteen hours and he didn’t have the energy for one of their angry bouts.
“She’s beautiful,” he murmured. Keeping his tone soft, gentle, he returned his attention to his daughter. He still couldn’t quite believe the perfect little girl in his arms was half of him. He was a dad. It felt so strange, yet so right.
Tara sucked in a deep breath, and he steeled himself for whatever she was about to unleash. And he got it. He fucking sucked because he’d made a promise—that he’d be there for their baby’s birth—and then he broke it. His job kept him away from home a lot, so she’d battled through her pregnancy oftentimes without him. Alone. Scared. Now, her hormones were probably all over the place and she’d been stewing in her anger the last four days. Pissed at him because he was already being a shitty father.
But instead of coming at him like a wrecking ball, her bottom lip quivered. Oh, no. Tears would be so much worse than barbed words.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is being alone all the time?” she whispered, surprisingly emotional.
He glanced up, attempting to get a read on her, because this wasn’t the Tara Wilcox he knew. The woman he knew possessed a dramatic flair and loved playing the blame game.
The baby wriggled in his arms, drawing his attention back down. “Do you think she’s hungry?”
Tara swiped at her eyes and shrugged. “She’s always hungry. There’s formula in the fridge.”
“Formula?” he echoed, his focus zeroing in on the two wet spots soaking her pajama top.
“I’m not breastfeeding,” she informed him. “This whole thing has already destroyed my body.”
One drunken night of sex he barely remembered with a girl he’d been dating for two weeks had resulted in a broken condom and an unplanned pregnancy. And here they were—twenty-four-year-old parents, clueless and still basically kids themselves.
“I’m scared, too,” he said in a low voice.
But she shook her head, gaze unreadable. “I’m not scared, Jayson. I just don’t want to be a mother.”
Her words pierced him like bullets. “What do you mean?” Sure, they’d had a bit of a rocky start after finding out she was pregnant, but it had been a shock. Totally unexpected. They’d talked through things and decided they’d be okay.
“You haven’t been here, so you haven’t seen how hard this has been on me. Motherhood isn’t something I ever wanted. But you convinced me to try. That it would all work out.” She shook her head. “But this isn’t me. I have other dreams.”
Words eluded him. Sure, she’d expressed doubts early on, but they’d both been scared and unsure. Neither ready to become parents. Needing advice, Jayson had confided in his mom, and she’d made a good point, telling him no one was ever truly ready to have a child. It was something you figured out along the way.
“So, what’re you saying?” he finally choked out, cradling the baby closer to his chest.
“I’m saying I’m done. With her, with you, with Cielo Springs. I’m going home, Jayson.”
Her announcement hurt his heart on every level. They had a daughter together and she clearly didn’t give a shit. Tara had always been selfish, but this took things to a whole new level of assholery.
“It was a mistake moving here,” she continued, starting to get riled up. “I hate the mountains, I hate all the damn trees, and I hate this stupid fresh air. I want smog and traffic and people, for fuck’s sake. I need Broadway! Cielo Springs is so small, and you’re stifling me. I can’t breathe.”
How can I stifle her when she claims I’m never here?
Jayson loved all the things she claimed to hate. Christ, they were so opposite. How had he ever hoped they might work? She’d come to Cielo Springs, Montana, after a distant relative had died and she’d inherited property. While working out the details, they met, started having a fling and then boom. She’d gotten pregnant.
“Can’t breathe, huh?” he asked in a low voice. “Even with all this fresh air?”
Her eyes narrowed. “I’m leaving, Jayson.”
Panic sliced through him. “You can’t leave!” But she only arched a brow. “We made this choice together.”
“Did we?” She lifted her hand, pointing at him. Punctuating each word with her finger. “I told you I wasn’t cut out to be a mother.”
“Because you were scared! We both were. But we promised to try.”
“I never promised anything.” Her gaze finally dipped down to the baby. “If I’m being completely honest, it probably would’ve been best if I’d terminated the pregnancy.”
“Jesus, Tara,” he hissed, tightening his arms around Emma. Unable to come up with a response, he stared at Tara as though she were a stranger. Like he was truly seeing the real her for the first time. Disgust roiled through him.
For the past nine months, he’d paid her rent, stocked the fridge with groceries, given her money for clothes and incidentals, and made sure all of her medical bills were covered. When the baby was born, he’d promised to take some time off and financially support them both, and she’d agreed.
And now she was bailing.
Had that been her plan all along? Had she just been in it for the free room and board and always planned to leave once the baby was born? Was he the world’s biggest fool? Fuck. Emma was less than a week old and he was already screwing things up. How would he ever explain to her that her mother didn’t want her?
He might not have all the answers, but he knew one thing for certain: he and Emma deserved better.
Jayson vowed right then and there to give the baby girl in his arms so much love, she wouldn’t ever miss her egg donor. He’d make sure she had everything she needed and more. He’d freaking smother her with love and attention. Yeah, he’d have to separate from the military so he could be there every single day to raise her properly, but six years of seeing the worst in humanity and going on dangerous, clandestine missions was enough.
He had his mother to help, thank God. And if he had to work nights at the factory two towns over to make ends meet, he would. He’d figure it out. With or without fucking Tara. They didn’t need her.
And he knew nothing he might say would change her mind, anyway.
“I’m leaving in the morning. It’s for the best.”
Yeah, maybe it was.
“Have a nice life, Tara,” Jayson said, voice flat. Hollow. “If you ever want to see your daughter again, you know where to find her.”
Tara shook her head, having the decency to almost look sad. Almost. “I won’t.”
Fucking bitch. “Your loss.” Turning away, he stalked out, determined to get his daughter away from Tara and her toxicity. From that point forward, Emma would be surrounded by people who loved her.
Jayson grabbed the formula from the fridge and the bag of diapers the hospital gave Tara. Swiping up his keys, he walked out the door, planning to go straight to his mom’s house. She’d be overjoyed to see him and meet her new granddaughter.
He and Tara might be over, but his life with Emma Rose Knight was just beginning.
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